WHAT I'VE LEARNED, LATELY/ PART ONE

i often fear that i'll lose my phone or it will get stolen and that people will have every form of blackmail on me by reading my "notes" section. if only you knew how much i use that thing. to write strings of sentences that come to me in quick flashes, to write love letters to my husband, my thoughts on marriage, lyrics to songs i've not finished, names of future children,  business ideas,  it's all there.

lately, i've been using my notes to write down things i've learned and trying to live by them. i'll sometimes reread them and go "oh yeah, i wrote that down for a reason. for when i'm feeling this exact way." i've been trying really hard to let go of what i am not and focus on what i am. who i am. what i have. what i love. who i love. it's hard to not let your mind tumble down the comparison hole. it's so poisonous and ugly and makes us feel like our lives aren't worthy. 

our lives are worthy. and they're beautiful and real and they were handcrafted. my husband said it beautifully when he said how important it is to live outwardly and less inside our heads. our heads are tricky, magnificent creatures. they have the ability to hurt and soothe and heal and kill us all at once. 

be a great conductor of your mind. know how to control it by working hard at turning off the ants (Automatic Negative Thoughts) it takes practice and commitment and dedication and much more than defaulting to what's comfortable, which is often times incredibly unhealthy.

what i've learned this past month has set the tone for my days. i would love to make a wee series of this, and would love if anyone wanted to join in to.

so, here's my list.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED, LATELY/ PART ONE

-don't look or read anything that makes you feel icky. you know that feeling. whether it's instagram, blogs, pinterest. just don't do it. 

-make your bed every morning after you are ready to get up. it sets a tone for the day.

-essential oils are not just a fad.

-it's never too late to start the day way, way over. 

-don't force photos. real moments will never come from them. let it go if the photo didn't come out.

move on.

- three b's: baths, bikerides, books. these can solve so much.

- forage small bouquets on walks. being close to plants and flowers

heals everything.

- when you feel like you can't hold on anymore, keep holding on and go outside.

fresh air, trees and the sound of birds is what peace feels like.

-family naps on sunday should be written in stone.

- you are not the amount of likes on a photo. nor the amount of followers.

don't you dare think that it changes anything. it changes NOTHING. 

-be gentle on yourself. you are not as ugly as you think.

- plate your husband's meal that you cook and do it for a lifetime. 

- don't compare your life. your baby. or your husband. you are loved exactly how god made you to be loved.

-pick up the house at night so that the morning is greeted calmly.

- invest in spotify, if only for the dance parties.

- light candles at any time in the day. just seeing the light flicker or the smell permeate is good for the soul.

-take turns giving your spouse a massage. learning where they are vulnerable and where they need touch is everything.

- stop glorifying busy.

-notice the morning light, every single morning. it's different than any other time of the day and so many answers are in its glow.

-get rid of stuff you don't need or think is beautiful. 

-be flexible. adapt. don't rely on old habits to get you out of situations. confront them and be firm.

- when your husband brings you the exact opposite of what you asked for, be thankful anyways.

-do not be quick with your tongue. filter that shit. ;)

- contentment comes when you're ok when things are not.

xo

WORDS

lately, my husband has been our breakfast king. he makes us all breakfast and it's incredibly sweet and a part of our memory i don't ever want us to forget. this morning he held gus up high in his arms while making scrambled eggs (fourth photo) and i can hear him explaining each step of the way. he always puts on one of his classical records while he cooks and it's so  beautiful. watching them together is now who i've become. there is nothing more, nothing less than this.

this is it.

when we took augustus to the doctor this week for his eighteen month checkup, like many parents, we had a thousand questions, still wondering if we are doing this whole "parent" thing ok.

"what does it mean if he goes number two twice in a row before bed?"

"should i be concerned that he wants nothing to do with cartoons of any kind?"

"he eats so much but does not seem to gain much weight, what does that mean?"

the list goes on. and on. and on. our sweet doctor assures us and tells us that he is growing beautifully, albeit rather petite, but beautiful. and like the first visit we had when he was a newborn,  or when we went to our first ultrasound, it always feels like butterflies in my bones having someone else tell us he's thriving wonderfully.

we told her how much he talks, because he talks, so, so much. all day long he's talking and we all come unveiled because of it. just rip our hearts out, ya know? 

right now he's really nailed these words down and uses them correctly to communicate what it is he wants:

nanana (banana), more, jeeew-sss (juice), bah-bah (bottle), all done, hot, shoes, oh no, peeeze (please),

deh doo (thank you), mama, dada, cat, dog, bird, apple, gappe (grape), nyny (night night),

badi (paci), baby (name for his blanket), nana, shoes, tip (chip), wahdder (water), 

up, down, bath, no-no, hi, bye, goodbye, luhyew (love you), eyes, mouth (what he's doing in the last photo), nose, ears, toes, hair,  tiss (kiss), car, noodooo (noodle), dance, park, etc. and his very favorite: uh oh.

(actually, you don't have to read that above, that's just for me to remember and these are the ones that melt me)

i work really hard on communication with him because it is so important to us that we feel each other clearly, right now. by working hard on these words, so much of his frustration has left him and he just tells me what it is he wants and needs (well, let me rephrase that, for the most part, other times i haven't a clue). and when he's frustrated and i can't figure out why, i use it as a lesson to teach him a new word. 

and what's often the most humbling experience to all of this, is that it's often hard to tell who is the student and who is the teacher. because really, we are learning from each other, together, every day.

and it's important for my heart to remember that.

have a lovely weekend my friends.

SWEATER WEATHER

“It’s not that we have to quit 
this life one day, but it’s how 
many things we have to quit 
all at once: music, laughter,
the physics of falling leaves, 
automobiles, holding hands,
the scent of rain, the concept 
of subway trains... if only one 
could leave this life slowly” 
― Roman Payne, Rooftop Soliloquy

1. my favorite red rose tights on a cold afternoon

2. the perfect winter hat to protect his ears while he plays in the cold

3. the hottest man alive

4. sunday treasures from the farmer's market + thrift store with my boys

5. my big beautiful baby boy, on the cusp of 18 months

6. the cutest fox coffee mugs 

8. pumpkins everywhere

9. a moment of calm on sunday morning

10. he's gone in a blink of an eye

11. sundays are for napping with the windows open

12. my sweet augustus moon waiting patiently for mama to stop working

autumn has been really good to this little moon tribe of mine. i've been finding the prettiest fiery red orange leaves and long green branches that i stick in small vases throughout the house. we have donated many bags of things to focus on a simpler life. it's been so good to have less. because the only thing i'll ever take with me i'll never be able to hold.

also:

would die if i could restore an abandoned french chateau like this one, one can only dream

we've really been loving this song and this one  too. her ultraviolence album is probably my favorite of all her albums, mainly because i understand her deep yearning. she's so melancholy and beautiful and it all feels so kindred to me. i just love that my baby will be raised on lana.

this oversized sweater has me dreaming

this bag has been on my "make" list for so long

this hairstyle 

i am so bad at doing my hair but these little tips seem so doable

and i think i need to make at least one of these pretty fauna pumpkins

hope you are well, my friends.

AUTUMN HAS COME

it finally happened early yesterday morning, that change in the earth when you know summer has finally made her way out. i could hear the car tires move through the wet rain on the pavement and small leaves kept hitting our window. when i finally woke, i saw thick fog and pale gray skies blanketing the air.

autumn has finally come.

and i'm so glad she has. i was actually counting my breaths until her arrival, waiting for summer to be gone, for our sad month to pass.

i remember a distinct moment the other morning, when i was ironing and photographing clothes for my shop and gus was staring out the window eating his little apple puffs. steve was in his music room, working away and the smell of hour-old coffee was still lingering. in that very moment i thought

i am so happy to spend  another autumn with you,

with both of my loves.

i have so much to write about and so many stories and projects i can't wait to share, but tonight i am tired and feel anything but weightless. my beautiful husband is working in the city and my big beautiful baby boy is asleep in our room. my candles are lit for the international day of pregnancy and infant loss remembrance and i just want to drink tea on my couch and sink into the pillows as i pray for our one in god's keep.

may you all see the light that is always visible,
and may you always remember to whom you belong.

autumn has come, let us be thankful for that.