MICHIGAN/ 01

i am writing from the top room of a darling michigan home where my husband's sister lives. i can hear the slow rhythm of my baby's lungs beside me, shy rain on the roof and against the old windows and the sound of glasses clinking and voices scattering beneath the creaky wooden floors. the three hour difference is just enough to keep me wide awake deep into the night, but i don't mind because i can see the silhouettes of trees in the purple cold sky.

we are back here for a week, almost as a pilgrimage to my husband's childhood. we have spent so much of our time traveling backwards ~ to the places and homes and streets and buildings that he knew by heart. seeing the man i deeply love travel back in time and lose himself to what he remembers has been staggering and deeply sacred.

his parents are no longer alive and the home he lived in no longer stands (it was beautiful, they say). it is heartbreaking watching my husband take deep, meaningful breaths, realizing on the exhale that all he once knew is gone. when i try to imagine what that would be like, i switch my thoughts, because the burden seems to big to carry and my arms have never been strong.

i can't imagine what it would be like because all i love and have known surround me. i feel so deeply fortunate and so lucky to be able to type that sentence because i know how quickly that could change. i know it's ticking before me, all of us, and i am trying my best to preserve it.

i believe that my sweet husband is the man he is to augustus and i because of so much (for lack of a better term), but i know that a great part of it has to do with him realizing how important it is to love deeply and passionately every day, every hour, and repeat it over and over until a lifetime has gone by. he never goes an hour without showing his affection, his intentions and love. and knowing all that he's overcome, i would say he's one hell of a man to be as beautiful as he is.

and i hope that one day, when we've grown much older, we can travel down the roads and places and streets we once loved, and see them standing tall, with more love growing in its place.