January 14, 2016


i woke up early this morning, like i have been doing a lot these days, carving out some time for quiet to just be still all my own. this morning i was sandwiched between our two sleeping babies on either side of me, making sure to move just so, so that i didn't make a single noise. steve was working late last night, so i fell asleep with augustus at my side in our bed, just like we used to. after i had shut off the lights and climbed in with them,  he began singing"we wish you a merry a christmas" pretty loudly and then just stopped abruptly and fell asleep into me. i laid there in the dark smiling and i thought about when he presses up against me like he does when we sleep, how we must look like chairs stacked on top of each other, like after a concert, pushed to the outskirts of the theater.

it's 9:45am and our little fiorella primrose is still sound asleep. gus is at my side watching a few minutes of his movie of choice right now, despicable me, and i keep looking at our baby monitor (thank you summer infant) and i can see she is about to wake. her little profile is plumping out, and her cheeks look like they're filled with summer apples.

the days at home with my children have been long and short all at once. we wake and have oatmeal at the table. we spend a lot of time playing with the pistachio kitchen aid and making play dough and bread for pizza. i nurse what seems to be ninety percent of the day, and when she smiles at me, she does so with her whole body, and i always say "i feel so loved by her."

in pictures her eyes appear dark, but they are deep blue, darker than her father's, in the shape of almonds like mine, but all her own, all hers. augustus calls her sissy and stays away from her for the most part. he is gentle when he kisses her head and will sit by me when i nurse her in my arms. his curls graze my arms and he will nuzzle into me and in those moments, i know why i was sent here, why i needed to be sent here, why i needed to find them.


(ps - the rug in these photos was kindly given to us by Lorena Canal rugs, you can find it here

post edit: i actually wrote this yesterday. such is life.

1 comment:

  1. I like that her eyes are deep blue like her daddy's {the deep sea} and shaped like yours but all her own. Your days are full of beauty just like a psalm. love you xx