right now there is a time, a place, that rests right before my body. the german's call it "the time of zwischen" - that time where they say mothers linger, the in between. if it were tangible, i would hold it like i do all the things i love. like it were a bubble or butterfly, an aurora or a rose on the brink. gently, methodically, purposefully - no movement too quick, no reaction too slow. this place is a middle earth of my motherhood, where i am not quite here, nor am i quite there. it is a slipstream, a slow moving current only i can hear and feel coming. this time, a time of impatience and trust is the hardest most magnificent work i've ever done. any moment could be the moment. any hour could be the hour. while waiting for that moment, i watch one of my children play in the sycamore leaves shouting about lizards and sandboxes all while feeling the other move down my stomach into perfect position. all of this, this time of being - it is what i would call, the greatest expectation of my life.
there is a thunder in my heart until he (or she) arrives.
/
ps: gus fell asleep in the car while the weekend's "i can't feel my face" was playing tonight and i carried him from the car into our bed and it was so beautiful. my cat winnie is also having a major hairball moment and i don't know exactly how to help her.
1/ 37 weeks while napping with my augustus
2/ morning wake up
3/ swaddle practice
4/ my baby boy
5/ waiting on dada to come home from work
6/ farmer's market figs + 37 week belly
7/my angel
9/nothing fits anymore
10/sunday rest
11/ forever a mama's boy
12/ talkin to his auntie about taking a shower
13/ puffin rock chill time
14/ 38 week on the dot belly!
15/ and i thought he would color ever so nicely on this paper from IKEA :/
16/ the very love of my life
17/ autumn days, shirtless, under the sycamore tree
18/he told me to get on the swing, and then this. um, gus?
19/ switched positions, ah, much better.
20/ to know gus is to know he prefers the outdoors, in his diaper, with his red boot inserts.
21/ ah, the nights of pregnancy
22/ this face forever, please.
23/ raising boys
Your words are always so full of depth and because of that you sweetly bring back those memories of so long ago yet still so very near of when I was expecting. My first born was also a son, Luke, and we had a close bond like you and Augustus do. He is a sensitive, contemplative soul and it was not easy for him to share me with the babies that came after him. He loved each one dearly but he missed our days just being me and him...I could see and feel that. I think Augustus may be like my little Luke was. So enjoy every little last day that you have right now with it just being you and him. Love love love love xo
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