WELCOMING APRIL.

1/ daily walks to the mailbox
2/ nap time moment
3/ monday morning, my "somewhere over the rainbow"
4/ sometimes he's brave enough to lead the way
5/ town square sitting, watching my boys play near the fountain
6/ holding hands everywhere (austin, tx)
7/ favorite coffee shop in texas, cenote.
8/ st. patrick's day downtown
9/ fever cuddles, watching endless episodes of kipper and caillou
10/ helping mama gather flowers
11/ crib time shenanigans
12/ packing for our texas trip last week
13/ listening to my husband play the piano, always my favorite memory.
14/ a favorite of his: wearing mama's hat

last week, my husband had one day of work in austin, texas so i came with him for a couple of days and augustus stayed with my parents. it was one of those very big life moments for me since i had never, in all his 23 months of life, ever truly been away from him. it was incredibly difficult dropping him off on that early morning before our flight, but knowing he was in the hands of my sweet mama and dad eased my heart quite a bit.

it was such a beautiful experience, getting to spend every moment with the man of my wildest dreams who i just so happen to be married to. he did not let go of my hand for a moment, and his reassurance that our son was safe and that the time we were sharing together was all ours really felt like touching clouds as though i were a bird, a freedom i hadn't quite allowed myself in almost two years.

 we had so much time to just be and talk and kiss and wake late and stay up late ordering room service and just being in each other's arms. it's not like we aren't this way as parents; it's just that this time together was really focused, uninterrupted and so deeply ours. it was a huge step for me as a mother to let my precious cargo be cared for by another (probably would be a different story if it wasn't my mama, but still). allowing myself the space to know deep down that he was in wonderful hands was venturing into another realm altogether. it showed me that i can let go, that it's ok to say yes and it's ok to enjoy myself as simply, well, myself.

it is all - and i mean all of it - a practice in faith.

as attached parents and as a deeply attached mother, giving us both the time and space to be separate from one another was vital, i think. i don't exactly know why quite yet, but i know that it is part of the voyage we naturally take as protectors of our babies. it is a crucial process in giving them wings and not holding on too tightly out of fear that they aren't ready, which is covertly disguised as US not being ready.

it's a balance of love and deep understanding that their lives are fragile but also strong and that they are braver than we'll ever know.

they were made to fly, like all beautiful things, in their own way.

*

upon arriving home, i spent the next morning wrapped up in our bed, watching them sleep beside me. my husband's arms stretched across gus's little body; my side tucked into his tiny back (photo 3). it was one of the most precious moments of my life, because i realized that all i am ever journeying to is being beside them, being a witness to the very air they breathe, taking in their lives like a person  takes in the ocean for the very first time.

it is vast and beautiful and overwhelming and beyond the contents of words.

it's all there is, all the possibility for more is just extra.

kind of like, more heaven.

more than a miracle.