RAISING JOY.

♫Ann Brun - Halo♫

the days spent in baths, outside on our hammock, swinging under the sycamore tree, bike riding in floral dresses, sleeping spooned into my little baby boy, having papa push us in those big dorky red carts at target, listening to our records as i prepare dinner, sharing smoothies and sipping tea in the early evening, making little snacks and eating them in bed, looking forward to the simple beauty of sunday dinner, opening all the windows to the light and to the sounds of my boys playing outside, decadently and obnoxiously spreading flowers throughout the house, and kissing my husband in the middle of his showers are parts of my days/ the whole of my life that i will cry for when i am old, sitting in my quiet house, looking out the window.

it's truly what raises the joy in me.

RECIPE: SIMPLE MIXED TOAST

my sister in law is in town from michigan (where steve was born and raised) and we have been spending much of our time side by side in the kitchen, creating meals together and i absolutely love it.

our little town has a beautiful bakery that makes incredible bread so i picked up a loaf for sunday's dinner but ended up using it monday for breakfast. the sun was shining so incredibly yesterday morning and it was really beautiful making this in our kitchen while they talked at the table over coffee. the fresh flowers made me so happy too (flowers always do that to me actually)

RECIPE: SIMPLE MIXED TOAST

Ingredients

1 large good loaf of bread

olive oil

sea salt
pepper
tomatoes
lemon
kale
chicken apple sausage
goat cheese
almond butter
strawberries
basil
cucumber
dill
blackberry preserves
balsamic glaze (balsamic vinegar + 1 tbsp. brown sugar, simmered for 5 mins on stove)

Directions

preheat oven to 350 degrees. slice loaf of bread into angular, thick slices and place on a baking tray. drizzle with olive oil and a touch of sea salt. bake until slightly browned.

Topping Combinations

-goat cheese, avocado, squeeze of lemon + basil

-goat cheese, cucumber slices, balsamic glaze + sprinkle of dill

- goat cheese, sliced tomatoes, basil, balsamic glaze, sea salt + pepper

- goat cheese, blackberry preserves, sliced strawberries

- goat cheese, kale dressed with olive oil, squeeze of lemon, sliced sausage + basil

- almond butter + sliced strawberries

enjoy!

xo kerrie 

SOFTENING THOUGHTS.

a side note before the post/ there are deep bellied frogs chiming through my windows and a family of turkey's were on our property in the early morning hours. i have a cup of vanilla harney + sons with milk and sugar in my cup next to me. steve's car battery was dead so he took mine, so we are stuck inside most of the day. my house is cleaned and ina garten's meatloaf (we use turkey meat) is for dinner and my tired baby boy is napping. the sun is shining but i am cold.

oh my, this week. this week has not been easy. by any means.

it seems that our 21 month old little man has been winded by heavy blows of pink eye, a cold, teething pain and a runny nose that never stops dripping.  lately, it seems from the moment he rises, he is upset about something, and it is incredibly difficult as his mother to not be able to fix all that upsets him, even if it's something like not letting him bring the garden rocks inside.

his naps have been incredibly long, some days they are four hours, others three. once we read his books, he slips from their worlds into his own dreaming one and it's as if his body needs to simply shut down from working so hard all the hours he is awake. because our augustus does not stop. he is curiouser and curiouser each and every day. exploring the nooks and crannies of the universe he is in. immersing himself in all there is.

i have found that on our hard days, the best thing i can possibly do for us as a family is soften my thoughts. it is a term i came up with that basically takes me from melting down to sipping tea and watercoloring. from crying because i feel incapable to writing and feeling powerful. it is essentially the ability to not allow the outer world to overwhelm the inner. i even apply the softening of my thoughts when i am getting ready in the morning, or simply when i look in the mirror and see anything but beautiful. i will see the bags under my eyes and a gray hair i swear wasn't there yesterday and before i allow myself the go - ahead to just pick apart every little thing i see on myself that i would change, i cast a dewy haze over my eyes and say "enough." i then put on a little lipstick and allow instead the sweeter thoughts to arise, like

the sun feels so good on my face. how lucky i am to have a face that can feel. 

it's sometimes the simplest tool i use to take me from darkness to light in a matter of seconds. it has taken me years and years to explore and manifest. if you were to visualize, which is often how i learn, it would be putting a tilt-shift filter over ourselves so we see the forrest and not just the trees. so we can see the bigger picture and not the pixel.

when applied to my role as augustus george's mother, i try to embrace the moments where he is completely hysterical and calm him by swiftly slowing down. by this, i mean i just quickly stop what i'm doing to understand what he is so deeply upset about and try to work through it in a way that makes us both happier. i have found that by allowing myself to be easily overwhelmed (so guilty), i am kind of hostage to a cycle. and when i look back on the early years of his life, and the early years as a first time mama, i want to know that i did my very best to be as good as i could have. that i didn't just have potential but i had the patience and wisdom to know where to place my focus on and where to place my time.

just last night, on my beautiful husband's birthday, i had fallen asleep on the couch from excruciating tooth pain, and he took it upon himself to make gus dinner and go get takeout sushi.  on HIS birthday (the photo in b+w). when i had woken up, there he was, kneeling down beside our mint bathtub, giving gus a bath and laughing at the water that was rushing from the faucet. i quickly snapped a photo and apologized for falling asleep on his birthday and how grateful i was to have such a beautiful man in my life take selfless charge and to tell me to not worry my pretty little head off for a second. he said "this is parenthood, baby."

and my goodness is he right.

THIS is parenthood.

all of it.

the falling asleep on the couch, the takeout sushi on your birthday, the pink eye and tantrums and days where you are just too tired to even put a load of dishes into a dishwasher that would do it for you.

yes. that stuff. the stuff you go through. the every day stuff. the real stuff.

it's all part of it. and i love that in some grand way, it's all adding up to a lifetime together.

a lifetime that was pretty damn beautiful.

/just got these shoes in the mail the other day and mama's, they are the best. so in love.
/ this song